Surviving the First Year of Grief
Last September, my mother started hospice care and then passed away on December 13, 2025. She was 73-years-old and survived 6 years with ovarian cancer. During the time between her diagnosis and death, we supported her during treatments and periods of illness, and, lived with anticipatory grief and the knowledge that our remaining time together was undefined but would be cut short. But also during this precious time, we made so many memories and shared so much love.
Mom was my first love, confidant, cheerleader and an amazing mother who seemed to know me better than I knew myself. She was also a loving, enthusiastic and dedicated grandmother to my three sons. She died peacefully surrounded by family, just as she would have wanted.
We were very close throughout her life. During her illness, I was one of her caregivers. I also helped her and our family carry on with life, milestones and celebrations. At the end, I leaned down and put my head on her chest to confirm she had passed. I delivered the Eulogy at her Celebration of Life service. It was one of the hardest things I’ve ever done or will do, but I’m so glad I did it.
Since she passed I have felt sad, hopeful, confused, clear-minded, hollow or joyful depending on the day. For months I just felt emptiness, confusion and numb. I didn’t cry much, eating was a chore and I couldn’t think of anything that would help. I would have welcomed tears and sadness just to feel anything at all.
“Is this grief?” I wondered. I didn’t understand what was happening or why, because grief can be like that.
People assured me I would feel joy again. Some days, that just seemed so out of reach. But being with my amazing sons helped. The gentle love and daily support of my husband Buff helped. Spending time with dear friends helped. Exercise, healthy food, meditation and sleeping helped. Lightening my schedule and obligations helped and continue to help. Engaging in the rhythms of life while time passes, it all helps.
With heavy hearts we recently said goodbye to mom’s 12-year-old cat Matilda who was always by her side. I have no doubt Mom was delighted to see Tilly crossing the rainbow bridge and snuggling into her lap.
Everything is different and also the same, except without Mom present. Every day that passes I realize this loss feels bigger and deeper. But also, my love for Mom, our family and friends grows along with my gratitude for the privilege of our life together.
When I was preparing Mom’s Eulogy, my friend Kamala noted something I’ve known all my life: Mom gifted me her middle name, Joy. When I feel joyful, I know that my joy and hers are the same. I came into this world with Joy and I will always carry Joy as part of me.
Heather Joy and Belinda Joy (1951-2026)
Celebrating 10 Years of Coaching 🎉
This December I’ll celebrate 10 years of coaching! I love working with clients and witnessing their struggle, progress, Aha! moments, and the realization that they can have the work and life they want. When a client reports they can now spend more time with their family, learned more about themselves, can live their values, or live and work with intention and alignment, I feel deeply connected with everything that matters in this life. I believe my work contributes to humanity by supporting others so they can live fuller livers and enjoy meaningful work that has ripple effects far beyond anything they or I could image.
To celebrate, I’m revisiting and updating several of my most popular blog posts and will have special offerings throughout the rest of the year. Stay tuned!!
It is truly an honor and a privilege to do this work. It would not be possible without the love and support of my husband Buff who encouraged my dreams, and believed in me and my not-so-secret mission to “Save the world one lawyer at a time.”
I would also like to thank my colleagues and friends who were some of my first coaching clients: David Aman, Dan Goldstein, and Hon. Rima Ghandour. My dear friends Hon. Kamala Shugar and Kelsey Tucker have steadfastly encouraged me and helped me see the way forward. And thank you to the friends, colleagues and clients who continue to share their experiences in coaching and recommend my services to others.
Thank you all so very much. I could not do this without you!!
